Swanky Lady Living

Retro style for the modern girl!

I never did have a green thumb April 10, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — swankylady @ 9:26 pm
via weheartit.com

Have you ever been afraid to hope? It’s such an odd place to be. Words cannot express the array of conflicting emotions you experience as you are caught somewhere in between the “what ifs’ and the probably nots” that are bouncing around your churning mind.

At church this morning, the minister was touching upon the parable of the sower. And I couldn’t help thinking of my baby hopes as the seeds thrown by the way side. I keep throwing out these little seeds of hope and it seems all in vain. They are gobbled up by birds, scorched by the sun, choked away by thorns. I want to have faith, want to keep trying with the belief that one day it will all be worth it. The belief that one day,  one of those tiny seeds will take root and will grow into something-someone- beautiful and mine, a baby who is a part of both myself and my husband, a baby who can make us our own little family.

I want to keep on hoping. But I am running out of seeds.


2 Responses to “I never did have a green thumb”

  1. Fortunately or unfortunately, I don’t think one can ever run out of hope, it may transform into something different, but its still there. It can be a thorn in the side of one’s mind because when all seems lost you want that tiny voice of hope to be gone as well so as not to get one’s hopes up yet again. I’ve been in this position, not perhaps the same situation, but the same position. I could not give up hope on Nolin when he was in the hospital even though in my head I knew he would not make, but my heart never gave up. He and hope kept me strong when I don’t think I could have been and it kept me going on when I think I would have just walled myself up in grief. Now that he is gone I have hope that I will see him one day and this is my new hope. I pray that you won’t have to give up your dreams and your hopes will carry you and Paul on to that beautiful baby that I dream up in my mind for you. I believe that you will be rewarded for your efforts and you need to believe that to in your heart even when your mind doesn’t want to accept that information.

    • swankylady Says:

      thank you, Shandi. I needed that. And I know you know how it feels, even though our situations are vastly different, the emotions are similar. We both want our family, we both want the life we dreamed of. I hope we both get what we are hoping for.

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